Progress

Brat Child: Eenie meenie miny mo, TEXT a tiger 
Me: I think it's CATCH a tiger by his toe. 
Brat Child: No, Mom, it's TEXT a tiger by his toe 

(oh how things have changed)

A Blueberry by Any Other Name...

 One night someone passed gas in the car....

Brat Child: That stinks. It can't be mom it doesn't smell like her farts.
Big E: What do her farts smell like?
Brat Child: Blueberries

I'll Take a Salmonella Roll

Let me preface this by saying that the Brat Child is a picky eater.  Very picky.  He eats hot dogs, pancakes, chicken nuggets, french fries and grilled cheese.  His vegetable of choice is ketchup (and peas straight from the garden.) And while he is forced (under much duress) to eat vegetables and fruits and yogurt, basically he is stuck in his ways and rarely tries something new.  Actual sushi would be way outside the realm of possible foods he would allow in his personal space.

Brat Child (to Grandma): I had sushi from the gas station! 
Grandma: Oh yeah? Sushi? 
Brat Child: yeah I liked it. We should all go get some sushi from the gas station!
Me(to Grandma): He had a slushy, not sushi.

Blood Paint

While painting the chicken coop a couple of years ago... 

Brat Child: This looks like blood is that why you picked this color paint? 
Me: um, no it's barn red 
Brat Child: I think any animals that want to eat the chickens will see this blood paint and think the chickens are already dead and go away. Zombies too. Good thinkin' Mom. 

(what can I say, I'm a genius)

Work

Brat Child: I don't like going to school.
Me: I know, but school is important if you want a good job.
Brat Child: (what I thought he said) I hope I don't have to drive over any bridges
Me: Just close your eyes.
Brat Child: I SAID what if I work on bridges? I'd frow up or something.
Me: Then don't work on bridges.
Brat Child: yeah, that's a good idea.  What job should I do?
Me: What do you want to do?
Brat Child: Some people win money.
Me: You want to win money as your job?
Brat Child: Well I might have some kind of job to go to but I think I just want to work at winning money.  And selling eggs.