I'll Take a Salmonella Roll

Let me preface this by saying that the Brat Child is a picky eater.  Very picky.  He eats hot dogs, pancakes, chicken nuggets, french fries and grilled cheese.  His vegetable of choice is ketchup (and peas straight from the garden.) And while he is forced (under much duress) to eat vegetables and fruits and yogurt, basically he is stuck in his ways and rarely tries something new.  Actual sushi would be way outside the realm of possible foods he would allow in his personal space.

Brat Child (to Grandma): I had sushi from the gas station! 
Grandma: Oh yeah? Sushi? 
Brat Child: yeah I liked it. We should all go get some sushi from the gas station!
Me(to Grandma): He had a slushy, not sushi.

Manners

While having breakfast at McDonald's, The Brat Child let out a massive belch.  I instructed him to say excuse me, and while I was doing that he was purposefully pushing out another one.

Me: You don't let your mouth hang open.  Please keep your mouth closed if you have to belch.
Brat Child: Well, I can't close my butt!

(Because eventually, everything goes back to farting)

Corn in a Cup

While grocery shopping with the whole family....

Brat Child: I'm looking for some corn I can eat with a spoon.
Poppy: (laughing) they don't make cups of corn you can take to school to eat.
Brat Child: That's what I want for lunch a cup of corn just like a cup of peaches so I can just eat it with a spoon.
Poppy: They don't make that.

Uh... apparently they do.

Room Service

While attending Family Day at his sister's college, The Brat Child was able to stay in a hotel- a rare and much loved treat.  He climbed up the bed and picked up the phone.

Me: Put the phone down! What are you doing?
Brat Child: I was calling McDonald's to get some food.
Me: McDonald's doesn't deliver.
Brat Child: Yes they do.
Me: No, they don't!

The next day we see this in the parking lot....

Brat Child: I told you McDonald's delivered!