Blood Paint

While painting the chicken coop a couple of years ago... 

Brat Child: This looks like blood is that why you picked this color paint? 
Me: um, no it's barn red 
Brat Child: I think any animals that want to eat the chickens will see this blood paint and think the chickens are already dead and go away. Zombies too. Good thinkin' Mom. 

(what can I say, I'm a genius)

Getting Rich

Brat Child: We should be rich
Me: I agree, but it isn't easy.
Brat Child:  I have an idea!
Me: What?
Brat Child: We sell eggs!
Me: I think it might take a lot of eggs to do that.
Brat Child: So we get some more chickens and we sell the eggs for like $100.
Me: A dozen?
Brat Child: No, for each egg.  Then we'll be rich!
(If only it was that simple.) 
A few days later...

Brat Child: We need a big house.
Me: Houses are expensive and require a lot of money.
Brat Child(in his "I told you so" tone): I told you how to get money, Mom, you need to sell the eggs!

A Little Brother

 

Brat Child (crying): I don't have anyone to play with! I want a baby brother! 
Me: Sorry, not happening. 
Brat Child: (still crying) But all my friends have brothers and I don't. I want a brother!
Me: You're my last kid, no more babies.
Brat Child: But I want a baby brother! (wailing) Can you just poop one out, please?! 
Me: What?! 
Brat Child: Like a chicken egg. Just poop out a baby brother.