Dowry

Brat Child: Can I marry you mom?
Me: No, we've talked about this, it's illegal.
Brat Child: Oh yeah, but I can marry my cousin.
Me: Technically, yes.
Brat Child: That's good because Kelly is single. And she has an XBOX.

Cruise

Me: On vacation we should take a cruise to Tangier Island.
Brat Child: What's that?
Me: An island in the Bay. You take an hour and a half boat ride to get there.
Brat Child: Okay, but I hope there's no icebergs.
Me: No icebergs.
Brat Child: I hope you're right because you know what happened the last time there were icebergs on a cruise... PEOPLE DIED!

Getting Married

 

 Brat Child: I want to marry you, Mom
Me: You can't, it's illegal. You can't marry your sister either. You can marry a cousin though in some states.
Brat Child: No you can't.
Me: Yes you can
Brat Child: No way, I bet you lots of dollars you can't.
Me: Yup you could marry Kelly in some states (Looking up information) You can marry your cousin in Maryland and Virginia but not West Virginia where she lives.
Brat Child: Guess she's gonna have to move.

Getting Rich

Brat Child: We should be rich
Me: I agree, but it isn't easy.
Brat Child:  I have an idea!
Me: What?
Brat Child: We sell eggs!
Me: I think it might take a lot of eggs to do that.
Brat Child: So we get some more chickens and we sell the eggs for like $100.
Me: A dozen?
Brat Child: No, for each egg.  Then we'll be rich!
(If only it was that simple.) 
A few days later...

Brat Child: We need a big house.
Me: Houses are expensive and require a lot of money.
Brat Child(in his "I told you so" tone): I told you how to get money, Mom, you need to sell the eggs!

I Know Karate

A couple of weeks ago, the Brat Child, myself and my cousin planned a little ghost hunting excursion. 

One of the places we were thinking of checking out was in a not-so-good area of town.

Miss Patsy: I wouldn't go to those cemeteries, there's a bad element in that area.
Kelly: That's the point of ghost hunting.
Miss Patsy: I mean bad people, drugs and gangs.
Me: That's fine, we can skip it.
Brat Child: I know karate!
Me: Yeah
Brat Child: I can protect us because I know karate.
Me: I bet you could but there's only one of you and Kelly and I don't know karate.
Brat Child: I can show you some moves.
Me: I don't think we could learn in time.
Brat Child: Here's a kick and if someone grabs you you do this (demonstrating his moves)
Me: You're pretty good but what if they have a gun?
Brat Child: Then I kick them in the privates and make them drop it.

Really he has an answer for everything.

Different

Last weekend, the Brat Child and I visited with my cousin and aunt. 

My cousin made sure we had lots of goodies to indulge in...

Kelly: I got root beer for root beer floats!

Brat Child: I don't like root beer

Kelly: You don't like root beer? I don't know anyone who doesn't like root beer!

Brat Child (in a very condescending "don't you know anything" tone): Everyone is different.

Back Wash

One day while I was working outside...

Brat Child: Can I have some of your water?
Me: Sure, as long as you don't back wash in it.
Brat Child (looking puzzled and rubbing his back): My back's dry.