Going on a Cruise

Me: I'd like to take a cruise to the Bahamas
Brat Child: I'd like to take a cruise.
Me: Oh yeah?
Brat Child: As long as there aren't any icebergs.

(seriously, I can't remember ever discussing the Titanic with him)

Being Thankful

Midge: What are you thankful for?
Brat Child: I'm 'thank you for' HOT WOMEN!
Grandma: Do you even know what being a hot woman means?
Brat Child: Yeah, it means I want to kiss them.

Girlfriend

Uncle Lunchbox: Do you have a girlfriend?
Brat Child: I used to.
Me: She broke up with him.
Brat Child: No, I broke up with her.
Me: That's always what the guys say.
Brat Child: My friend didn't have any girlfriends so I gave her to him.  They're planning on having kids I think.

Going Native

Brat Child: Can I scalp Midge?
Me: No, you can't scalp your sister.
Brat Child: But I miss her! I want to scalp her tonight!
Me: Oh, you mean Skype her.
Brat Child: That's what I SAID! So can I? Scalp her?

This Post is Going Downhill

The Brat Child: Mama Mia!
Me: Do you know the song that goes with that?
Brat Child: No
Me: Mama Mia, Papa Pia, baby's got the diarrhea!
Brat Child: Awesome!
Me: Have you ever heard the Diarrhea Song?
Brat Child: No! What is it?!
Big E: Oh, God!

(It's obvious that the Brat Child doesn't fall far from the Momma tree.)

Diarrhea Song

When you're sliding into first
and you feel a sudden burst
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When you're sliding into two
and your pants fill with goo
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When you're sliding into third
and you feel a sudden turd
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When you're sliding into home
and you're pants are full of foam
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

There are many more verses, and many you could make yourself.... to satisfy your inner Brat Child.

Manners

While having breakfast at McDonald's, The Brat Child let out a massive belch.  I instructed him to say excuse me, and while I was doing that he was purposefully pushing out another one.

Me: You don't let your mouth hang open.  Please keep your mouth closed if you have to belch.
Brat Child: Well, I can't close my butt!

(Because eventually, everything goes back to farting)

Sophisticated Cannon

The Brat Child's cannons are becoming much more detailed. 
Still...

Corn in a Cup

While grocery shopping with the whole family....

Brat Child: I'm looking for some corn I can eat with a spoon.
Poppy: (laughing) they don't make cups of corn you can take to school to eat.
Brat Child: That's what I want for lunch a cup of corn just like a cup of peaches so I can just eat it with a spoon.
Poppy: They don't make that.

Uh... apparently they do.