Vampires

Brat Child: Vampires are real 
Me: Oh yeah? 
Brat Child: Yeah because they turn into bats and I saw a bat flying before. 
(so if there are bats there are vampires)

Who to Trust

Brat Child: Never trust a Hobo.
Me: A Hobo?
Brat Child: Yeah, don't trust them. If you, like, pick one up in your car he'll probably steal your car.
Me: So never trust a Hobo.
Brat Child: Right.
Grandma: Where did you get your distrust of Hobos.
Brat Child: I watched this movie that had Hobos and trains.
Midge: What movie? Who let you watch it? (thinking it was something he shouldn't watch)
Brat Child: It wasn't inappropriate.
Me: What was it about?
Brat Child: About a train with a hobo that's going to see Santa Claus.
Me: You mean The Polar Express??
Brat Child: Yeah!
Grandma: You watch my one of my favorite movies and you come away with the message to never trust Hobos??
Brat Child: Yeah. Never trust 'em.

College Roommates

Brat Child: When I go to college I want a girl roommate 
Grandma: They don't let girls and boys room together 
Brat Child: But I want to kiss the girl!

Geography

Brat Child: Mexico is bigger than Midge's butt but Midge's butt is bigger than Canada.

(Midge is his older sister)

War

Not sure what prompted this conversation... 

Me: Boys don't ever hit girls. 
Brat Child: Except when they're bothering you. 
Me: No, never, boys never hit girls. 
Brat Child: Unless they hit you first. 
Me: No, NEVER, boys don't hit girls. 
Brat Child(after a moment of silence): Unless it's a war and the girl is on the other team in the battle. Then you can shoot them.

Lots of Girlfriends

Brat Child: Do people have to get married when they get older? 

Me: No 

Brat Child: Oh good, cuz I want to have lots of girlfriends when I get bigger (Oh Lord have mercy!)

He's a Spitter!

 

Midge: Some guy was hitting on me at work.

Brat Child: He was spitting on you? Like spit from his mouth??!
Midge: No Hitting on me.
Brat Child: He was hitting you!?

Gassy

Says it all, really.