Lost Tooth

It's that time.  

The time when teeth are loose and the tooth fairy is on high alert.

About a week ago, 

the Brat Child lost a tooth

that he promptly swallowed along with the pretzel that pried it loose.  

When he returned home from school...

Brat Child: Mom, I'm gonna go in the bathroom to poop.

Me: Okay?

Brat Child: You're gonna haffta come in. I need you to get my tooth.

Me: (with realization dawning) Oh, no, the tooth fairy will still give you money. Trust me.

After losing the latest tooth (and creating the gap seen above) I said he looked cute.

Brat Child: No, Mom, I look like a Hell Belly*

*Hill Billy

God and Babies

Brat Child: God made all the trees right?
Me: Sure.
Brat Child: And He made people?
Me: Yes, He made Adam and Eve.
Brat Child: So, who pooped out the babies?
Me:(cue chirping crickets) Well, it all started with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden...
Brat Child: So God popped out the babies?

A Little Brother

 

Brat Child (crying): I don't have anyone to play with! I want a baby brother! 
Me: Sorry, not happening. 
Brat Child: (still crying) But all my friends have brothers and I don't. I want a brother!
Me: You're my last kid, no more babies.
Brat Child: But I want a baby brother! (wailing) Can you just poop one out, please?! 
Me: What?! 
Brat Child: Like a chicken egg. Just poop out a baby brother.