At Rest?

Brat Child: I bet dead people hate when it snows.
Me: Why?
Brat Child: Because I bet it's cold with all that snow on top of you.

Sixteen Pack Abs

While playing Apples to Apples...

Brat Child:I'm sexy because I have a keg.(lifts shirt)

 I have a keg right here.

I think a 16 pack is the most you can get

because I have a 16 pack right here (slaps stomach).

The Nativity

The Brat Child loves putting out the Nativity

also known as "The Jesus People"

He enjoys using them as army men

and having a battle. 

Do You Believe?

Brat Child: Some of my friends don't believe in Santa.
Me: Some people don't.
Brat Child: They think their mom does it all, but how could their mom be everywhere in one night?
Me: I don't know. Some people don't believe something if they can't see it. Have you ever seen a million dollars?
Brat Child: No
Me: But there is such a thing as a million dollars right?
Brat Child: Yeah
Me: Right, even though you've never seen it, you still know that it's real.
Brat Child: I get it! Like Bigfoot! Some people don't think he's real but he is because there are people who have seen Bigfoot.  Bigfoot and Santa are just the same!

It's an Angel, It's a Bird.. No! It's Mothman!

Me: Oh, here's the angel you made last year at Sunday School.
Brat Child: Angel?
Me: Here, see, the one with the Bible verse on the back.
Brat Child: That's Mothman.
Me: Mothman? I'm sure it's an angel.
Brat Child: No, that's Mothman.

Read about Mothman here
(Let's not ask about that interesting blue line....)

Accidental Biter

 A long time ago when the Brat Child was about 3:

Me: Did you bite someone at daycare? 
Brat Child: yes, but by accident. 
Me: How do you bite someone by accident? 
Brat Child: This boy hit me so hard and I couldn't see my mouth and it just bite him.

Cat and Mouse

Brat Child: When you're in the playground, you gotta stay far away from Autumn.
Me: Why? What's wrong with Autumn?
Brat Child: She's the leader of the Cats.
Me: The Cats?
Brat Child: yeah, that's what the girls call themselves: The Cats and Autumn is their leader.
Me: So you boys are running so The Cats don't get you.
Brat Child: Yeah
Poppy: Watch out they don't get their claws in you! Then you'll never get away.